Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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