i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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