Please, let me fuck your mom
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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