so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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