so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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