Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
