I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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