Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
