You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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