I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
