It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
