Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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