I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize