Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
