I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
