is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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