and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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