Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
