I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
