maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
