We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
