well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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