not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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