I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
