God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
