I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
