you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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