Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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