I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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