When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
