I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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