I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
