Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize