He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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