Whod you bang
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Randomize
