Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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