Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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