Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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