Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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