man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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