I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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