These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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