OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
