im six kinds of drunk right now
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
