they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
