When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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