I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
