have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
