I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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