He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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