If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
