please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
