Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
