In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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