I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
