I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
