I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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