also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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