Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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