theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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