i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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