Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
