Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
