Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
