If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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