I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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