at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I am puke
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize